As parents, navigating the world of toddler tantrums can feel like a whirlwind. One moment your little one is smiling and playful, and the next, they’re in tears, kicking and shouting over what seems like the smallest of things. It’s normal to feel frustrated or unsure, but remember, you’re not alone. At Milestones Early Learning, we understand how overwhelming these moments can be for both parents and children.
In this post, we’ll offer some tips to help you support your child through big feelings while also guiding you to keep calm, so you can be the positive role model they need.
Understanding Toddler Tantrums and Strong Emotions
Tantrums are a natural part of your toddler’s emotional development, and they can feel intense. Children at this age are still learning how to navigate and express their feelings, and when strong emotions arise, they can often become overwhelming. Without the language skills to communicate their needs and frustrations, toddlers may lash out with tears or tantrums.
Why Children Need Help Calming Down
When toddlers experience strong emotions like frustration, anger, or sadness, they often need support to help calm themselves down. Just like adults, toddlers can get overwhelmed by their feelings, and they require guidance from a trusted adult to regain control.
In these moments, staying calm and being present can help your child feel safe enough to process their emotions. Recognising that a tantrum isn’t a form of misbehaviour but a sign that your child is still learning emotional regulation can ease any guilt or frustration you may feel as a parent.
For Example
Imagine you’re at the park, and your child has to leave. They throw themselves on the ground, upset because they weren’t ready to go. In this moment, they’re frustrated because they haven’t yet developed the ability to manage transitions smoothly. Understanding that this is part of their emotional growth can help you respond with empathy rather than frustration.
How to Make Tantrums Less Likely
As hard as it is to completely prevent tantrums, there are steps you can take to help make them less frequent. One way is by helping your child understand their emotions and recognise their triggers. By tuning in to how they feel, you can start to notice early signs that they’re becoming overwhelmed or upset.
Here’s how you can work to prevent tantrums:
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Help your child identify their emotions: Teach your child about their feelings. Use simple words like "angry," "sad," or "frustrated" to describe what they might be feeling.
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Identify triggers: Start to notice patterns. Is there a certain activity or time of day when your child becomes more upset? By recognising these patterns, you can begin to prevent or prepare for tough moments.
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Talk about emotions after the tantrum: Once your child has calmed down, take a moment to talk about what happened. Explain the emotion they were feeling and help them understand what might trigger it again. This allows them to process their feelings and build emotional awareness.
Stay Calm and Lead by Example
As hard as it may be, one of the best ways to help your child manage their big feelings is by staying calm yourself. Children are like sponges when it comes to emotions. They can sense when their parent is stressed, and this can amplify their feelings. By keeping your voice steady and your emotions in check, you can help to create a calming atmosphere.
Here are some tips to manage your child’s tantrums while maintaining your own calm:
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Pause and breathe: When your child starts to throw a tantrum, take a deep breath. This simple action can help you pause before reacting impulsively.
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Validate their feelings: Toddlers often just want to feel heard. Acknowledge their emotions by saying things like, “I can see you’re upset because we can’t have that toy right now.”
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Offer choices: Giving your child choices (like choosing between two activities or snacks) helps them feel in control, which can reduce frustration.
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Distraction and redirection: Sometimes, toddlers can be distracted from their tantrums by a favourite toy, a fun game, or a change of scenery. For instance, "How about we go look for some interesting rocks to take home?" can shift their focus and ease the situation.
5 Steps to Help Your Child Calm Down
If your child is struggling to calm down, there are steps you can take to help them regain composure. This simple five-step process can guide you through those overwhelming moments when big feelings arise.
Here are 5 steps you can take to help your child calm down from a strong emotion:
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Notice and identify the emotion: Recognise the emotion your child is feeling. Are they angry, sad, frustrated, or tired? Naming the emotion can help them begin to understand it.
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Name and connect the emotion to the event: Once you've identified the emotion, connect it to the event that triggered it. For example, "I know you're upset because we have to leave the park now."
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Pause and say nothing: Sometimes, saying nothing is the best response. Give your child a moment to process their emotions before jumping in with words or solutions.
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Support your child while they calm down: Stay close and offer comfort. Sometimes, a reassuring hug or simply sitting with them is all they need to begin calming down.
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Address the issue: Once your child has settled, you can discuss the issue calmly and offer alternatives or solutions. For instance, if they were upset about leaving the park, you could offer to return the next day.
Building Emotional Confidence through the Lifelong Learning Curriculum
At Milestones Early Learning, we know that fostering emotional confidence is just as important as academic learning. That’s why our Lifelong Learning Curriculum is designed to build a strong foundation for emotional regulation, social connection, and overall wellbeing. Through age-appropriate activities, we help children learn how to manage their emotions, build positive relationships with others, and develop the skills they need to thrive both inside and outside the classroom.
The Lifelong Learning Curriculum not only supports intellectual growth, but it nurtures your child’s social and emotional development. It’s through this balanced approach that we aim to create confident, happy little learners. By building emotional awareness early on, your child will feel more empowered to handle big feelings as they grow.
Supporting Educators to Support Children
We also understand that it’s essential to support our educators to ensure they are prepared to manage challenging moments in the classroom. Our partnership with Dr. Kaylene Henderson, a respected Australian child psychiatrist, has resulted in the creation of the “Take 5 with Dr. Kaylene Henderson” coaching series. This series provides educators at Milestones with practical strategies for managing big feelings and fostering emotional resilience in children.
The goal is simple - confident, calm educators create safe, nurturing environments where children feel supported and can thrive.
Helpful Books for Parents
Reading with your child is a wonderful way to help them develop emotional awareness and learn strategies for managing big feelings. But there are also some excellent books for parents that can provide valuable insights into emotional regulation, child development, and managing tantrums.
Here are a few books we recommend for parents:
- How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 by Joanna Faber and Julie King - This practical guide offers proven strategies for understanding and managing toddler behaviour, helping you communicate effectively with your child during difficult moments.
- The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson - This book is packed with research-backed techniques to help your child build emotional and cognitive resilience.
- What to Do When You Feel Like Hitting: A No Hitting Book for Toddlers by Leah K. Lievrouw - This book is a great resource for parents to teach toddlers appropriate ways to express anger and frustration, providing simple strategies to help them calm down when they feel the urge to hit.
In addition to reading helpful books for yourself, don’t forget that reading together with your child can be a comforting way to connect and build emotional vocabulary. Here are some books for children that can help them understand and express their emotions:
- The Way I Feel by Janan Cain - A simple and engaging book that helps children identify different emotions and how to express them.
- Today I Feel Silly by Jamie Lee Curtis - This fun and colourful book helps young children understand and navigate their emotions in a playful way.
Reading together not only provides comfort during difficult moments, but it also helps your child build essential emotional vocabulary, which will aid them in expressing themselves as they grow.
Connecting with Other Parents
At Milestones, we understand that tantrums can sometimes feel isolating. It’s important to remember that every parent faces these challenges. If you ever feel like you need support, don’t hesitate to reach out to our educators or connect with other parents in the Milestones community. Together, we can share strategies, offer advice, and remind each other that these challenging moments are just part of the journey of growth and development.
Final Thoughts
Dealing with tantrums and big feelings is never easy, but remember that every child has these moments as they learn how to process and express emotions. The most important thing you can do is remain patient and stay calm. By offering support, validation, and guidance, you can help your child develop emotional confidence and resilience.
At Milestones, we’re here to support you and your child every step of the way. Whether through our curriculum, our compassionate educators, or resources like the Dr. Kaylene Henderson coaching series, we’re committed to helping your child thrive emotionally, socially, and academically.